I’ve had a lot on my mind lately. So many things buzzing around my head, some of them a little haunting. I’ve been stressed and exhausted and a bit shut in.
A lot of that stress has been relieved though. Especially after getting a new job. I work at a pub by my place now, and everything i hated about my last job is better at my new one. Not to mention the fact i’m getting payed more to do less. So i’m very happy about that.
But i’m still lonely. I feel as though I’ve changed a lot in the last few months, and although i feel okay with who i am, it seems to have led me to lose some friends. I guess it’s because i’m very to myself now, not as social as i used to be. I don’t see why that would cause my friends to fuck off though. That would be a stupid reason. Maybe it’s because i’m less willing to put up with peoples bullshit now. That would make more sense, the people i know are definitely full of bullshit. Most of them anyway. There are still a few people left. Only a handful though.
It’s my loneliness that keeps pushing me to move away. I would miss my family but they would understand. My best friend, the one person i can fully trust and rely on to understand wants out of this city too. We’re both thinking of Toronto as our next destination in life. We both have some school we want to finish before then though. Hopefully in a year and a half or so we can start getting ready to leave.
It will be nice to start over. A clean slate. It will be terrifying to be surrounded by strangers in a place i don’t know but that feeling won’t last long. And more strangers means more potential new friends. Hopefully i can find what i’m looking for.
It’s nice to be spilling my thoughts out again.
I haven’t posted anything in awhile because I’ve been so busy…I have so much on my mind I don’t even know where to begin. I’m exhausted right now and I should get to bed. I start my new job tomorrow! I’ll have much more to say tomorrow.
Kellin Quinn|Sleeping With Sirens
Matty Mullins|Memphis May Fire